Bottoms Up!

Drunkenness is not a crime! At least not in Minnesota...Although, it's usually the drunkenness that makes you do things you CAN get arrested for.From: http://www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us/stats/340A/902.html" 340A.902 Drunkenness not a crime. No person may be charged with or convicted of the offense of drunkenness or public drunkenness. Nothing herein prevents the prosecution and conviction of an intoxicated person for offenses other than drunkenness or public drunkenness nor does this section relieve a person from civil liability for an injury to persons or property caused by the person while intoxicated. HIST: 1985 c 305 art 11 s 2; 1987 c 152 art 1 s 1 Copyright 2004 by the Office of Revisor of Statutes, State of Minnesota."

Car, Burr, 8er

Whoa. Guess what I just got. I got a new car (another one, rather). It's kind of girlie, but it'll do (see: 1997 Plymouth Breeze). It's got cruise control, damnit. I wasn't expecting it for another week, or, at the least, I thought I would have to put a LITTLE effort toward the aquisition. Anyway, it was a pretty seamless transition. I like it when the things I obsess about for days turn out to be so...so...effing simple (thanks mom and dad!).To celebrate, I am going to 8th Street Grill (DT Mpls) tomorrow (Thursday, December 30) and get me some chicken wings. Well, I'd probably have gone there anyway, so I cannot honestly assert that I'm going there to celebrate anything. Wait. Yes I can. I can do anything I want. I'm the youngest child. So there.Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Sheep Balls Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba Bubba Hubba BubbaLove,Jason Smith. On Main Street. Yeah. That's me.

Light Rail, My Ass (was on it)

I took the Light Rail to work this morning...for the first time...more out of need than desire...being that I sold my CAR last night. Gawd. I learned to drive in that thing. I went to senior prom in that thing.I even christened her Ginger...in honor the two foot gingerbread man that used to ride in the backseat.That's about it, though. So big wh00p. Er, I purposely left the new U2 album in the car for the new owner, cuz I hated it. I absolutely hated it. I may even byocott their upcoming tour as a result. C'mon guys. Seriously. Your "best album since Achtung, Baby"? Hardly. No soup for you.What else? Nothin'.

Super Bon Bon

PLEASE people...take a second to look around you before you get on an elevator. It's possible that someone TEN STEPS away would like an elevator ride, too.

Thanksfornothinggiving

F dash dash dash PC troubleshooting (don't even get me started on Macs)! Specifically a conflict without obvious solutions (but mostly the kind that keep me from Command & Conquer). In the past, I could finagle a solution from Google...except today, instead of finding a solution, all I found was more problems. The one solution I DID find was to buy another CD drive. Uff da. I give up. Cough Cough (Pansy) Cough.

Smoke on a rope...

You're not a bona fide smoker until you can light up in front of your folks. Oh, mine KNOW that I smoke, I told 'em myself. But when I visit them, I have to wait until a) they leave the house or b) it's 2 AM. Even then, I'm still PETRIFIED that I'll neglect trace evidence, or that *GASP* I'll get caught in the act. Either I'm not a REAL smoker, or I'm just a big pansy. All things considered, I'm gonna' have to go with pansy.Hmph. Guess what. It snowed in Brainred (among other places, I imagine). You don't even have to look outside to confirm this assertion...just turn on TNT. They've initiated their rotation of "A Christmas Story". One word. Clockwork. Or is that two?"Show mommy how little piggies eat". Oh yeah. Oedipus would be proud.

Waiting for a winter wonderland...

I watched as two squirrels huddled in a tree to shield themselves from the cold this morning. At first I thought it was kind of sad...but then I realized that people do it, too. We just have fancier trees.

Bright light! Bright light!

I sometimes giggle when I overhear "They died doing what they loved".What? Falling from an airplane without a parachute? Yeah. They really loved doing that.I would rather die doing something that I HATE. That would be the ultimate "I told you so".

Da cath ga mah tung.

What if it was a cat that killed the curiosity?And I'm sorry (actually, I'm not), but I must know how curiosity is capable of killing anything. Suffocation makes sense. Curiosity doesn't. I suppose this means that I'm guilty of being curious. So what now? Do I just sit back, relax, and wait for curiosity to puncture my lungs, constrict my airflow and tear through my intestines like a spicy meatloaf sandwich? C'mon curiosity. I'm waiting.BTW, turns out that the saying may have evolved from "Care kills the cat", in a poem by George Withers (1588-1667).

Irrational Cookie

I KNEW it was an oatmeal cookie the second I laid eyes on it. But I bit into it anyway, because I managed to convince myself that this was a GOOD oatmeal cookie, not anything like the hundreds of other oatmeal cookies that I've had similar experiences with (also, don't forget that I'll eat anything). But no. Oatmeal is The Emperor. I'm an Ewok.But consider the fact that I DO like olives. At one point, I remember thinking olives were just as horrendous as an oatmeal cookie. However, convinced that I would someday be taken as a prisoner of war and force fed olives to disclose classified information, I figured, hey, why not try to LIKE olives, and when they're stuffing 'em in your face, you can PRETEND that you don't like 'em. Which'll just make 'em feed you more. Who's got the last laugh now? (Gershwin)That's it. My brain is empty. Maybe it always has been...maybe I've been running on fumes. Hmph.I watched a movie last night, "Just Another Story". I can't decide whether or not I should recommend it to anyone. But I really, really want to. So, go ahead, check it out. Underneath its amateur and sophomoric exteriors, there are a number of important principles addressed which I'm sure we can benefit from by revisiting from time to time. Bein' true to yo'self, for example. Boo ya. And how come no one knows who Tommy Kramer is (Vikings QB 1977 - 1989)? I've managed to meet more people that have never heard of him than I ever expected possible. Go figure. I'm sure there are plenty of Quarterbacks (even from CURRENT NFL teams) that I've never heard of. So there you have it.

Put your game face on...

Has smiling ever interfered with having a conversation with someone? "Experts" might be able to convince you that smiling improves relationships and self-esteem or some load-a-shit like that, which I'm actually not disputing, I just thought "load-a-shit" would fit very nicely there...anyway, have you ever tried making eye contact with someone while smiling? Ever notice how freaked out they get when they think you're listening to what they're saying, but notice that you've got your head slightly tilted and are SMIRKING? Seriously. What is going through our head when we realize that THEY realize what we're doing? NOTHING. We're just smiling. I'll bet that there's SOME tendon up in there somewhere, that's tugging on a string to turn our brain off when we smile. Or maybe just a part of it. Kind of like a mini-lobotomy. As if.And who the hell says that we only use 10% of our brain? Well, besides a lot of people? Anyway, if these scientists have gone through the trouble of identifying different parts of our brain that we use at different times, isn't it only logical (quick, what part of my brain am i using now?) that we use MORE than 10% of our brains, it's just not all being used at the same time? Doncha' think that conditions in a human body are less likely to thrive if they're never identified? Sometimes I imagine that I have some nasty little virus worming round the gut (D. Edgar), but because I don't know about it, it doesn't conversely affect me. Wow. This is a KILLER track. Being amazed is pretty much at the top of my to do list everyday. Only thing is, amazement is not something you can really look for. Hell, sometimes it's even difficult to recognize (ya' gots ta' reck-a-nize). Wow. Nice segue into Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now". I don't know what to do (sound familiar?). Wait. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. Choo choo. Let's talk about BMX XXX. I've been duped (it happens a lot). I'm glad I bought it used. I'm not really proud of the fact that I had to use the cheat codes to come to this conclusion, but all things considered, I'm glad I did. Just think of how terrible it would have been to spend three weeks (or more) callusing my thumb, only to find out that there's absolutely NO nudity. Boy. I might've gone apeshit. And I hate it when that happens. I want a t-shirt that reads "If you can read this, my shirt is still on". I fell like deleting all of this and replacing it with "Today is yesterday's tomorrow" (M. Groening) or something like that. But what the fuck.

Hamm's the beer refreshing

Ernie Garvin died a week ago today. He's the guy that got credit for the Hamm's beer jingle.

Anna Nicole Smith

I could’ve sworn that I heard Jimmy Kimmel say “Anna Nicole Smith, may she rest in peace” to close the American Music Awards last night. Maybe I missed something earlier in the show that he was referring to.Or maybe I’m just a sucka’, period.Holla.

Apeshit! Apeshit! Apeshit!

"Apeshit is just another word for "the chicken that we inject with tryptofan"Excerpt compliments of Googlism.com. Although, to be honest, it IS a little out of context. ¡Ciao!

What we have here is an ethical dilemma...

Thank you Seymour. Now feed me.Is it ethical to to shuffle around for music prior to, or during the composition of an entry? Don't get me wrong, I would never LIE about what music is currently playing...which is irrelevant, however, because "currently" is subjective. Was it when I started? Was it when I finished? Was it somewhere in between? You'll never know. And frankly, neither will I. What is the real importance of this field anyway? Is it to participate in the moment, or to experience it? Is it for bragging rights (maybe we were listening to them since before everyone else thought they were cool)? Or is that subjective, too?Have YOU ever listed a song that you weren't actually listening to? ...Peace like a river...(name that hymn).

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

I'm convinced that Edgar Allan Poe was really writing about a woodpecker.

The more, the merrier.

I've accumulated a quite a few usernames and passwords since shaking hands with the internet for the first time (I think Hotmail was the first - Livejournal being the most recent). While I have reason to believe that the number of .coms that I've signed up for pales in comparison, 61 is a still a heavy load for me.L'il Grumpy's in NE Minneapolis has Hamm's on tap. I just found that out last night. I don't have to go to Costello's in St. Paul anymore (although I probably will).